“There are two basic motivating forces: fear and love. When we are afraid, we pull back from life. When we are in love, we open to all that life has to offer with passion, excitement, and acceptance. We need to learn to love ourselves first, in all our glory and our imperfections. If we cannot love ourselves, we cannot fully open to our ability to love others or our potential to create. Evolution and all hopes for a better world, rest in the fearlessness and open-hearted vision of people who embrace life.”John Lennon
Why be untouchable?
We all have to face adversities – no one is immune to them or the fear that they bring to our door but we can use the resources we have within us to become untouchable to them.
Fear is a major driver of adversity – fear is something we think, (but we don’t know), is going to happen in the future. It hasn’t happened yet, it probably hasn’t happened before and the ridiculous thing is, we most likely can’t do anything about it anyway! When fear is enforced upon us from negativity, it sticks and has a catabolic effect, (one that is draining and toxic to others).
Love is something different, it’s anabolic, (a positive contagious energy), and most of us have experience of it and can relate to it as a feeling of freedom, light-headedness and excitement, a sense of openness to new ventures and exploration. But when we can’t love and we don’t know how to love ourselves, how can we embrace the love of others or even recognise it when it’s there – that’s a different article!
A source of adversity
At some stage in our lives we have almost certainly all been exposed to some negativity or criticism, the effects of which have made us evaluate ourselves in that same light. We live in a flippant, critical and highly judgemental world where adversity attaches itself like rust on metal, like glue on wood and it creeps aggressively like ivy up a wall but all of those can be removed and the beauty of what is underneath will be exposed.
Adversity shows up in our energy every day, these are some common examples:
- Complaining about people or the weather: the rain, the cold, the heat, the sun…..when are we ever happy with the weather?
- Droning on about things we have no control over instead of seeing purpose in the decision that’s made and opening ourselves up for challenge.
- Preparing for the worst scenario instead of searching for the best.
- Judging things black and white, good or bad and being closed to a brighter vision.
Here are 5 steps to overcoming adversity:-
1. Don’t boomerang
Avoiding the temptation to respond automatically to something said – remain untouchable. This ONE skill will see the effects of an adverse situation diminish really quickly. It doesn’t matter what is being said, if you feel that you want to react… stop there! This is a river of crocodiles – EVACUATE that area with no reaction! Those voices will continue to banter in your head but only for a short time and then they will dissipate into thin air because you’ve not given them the power they need to continue. Practise this!
2. Be ‘untouchable’ to negative vibes
To avoid being brought down by long discussions about negative events requires you to back off and disconnect; it does take extreme discipline. Don’t join in, it’s very simple. Hit ‘delete’ and open another clean white page!
There are plenty of bright and uplifting people around, they are the ones to connect with. People who make you feel good about yourself and those that provide you with support and joy; they’re the people that are in control of their life because they’ve constantly chosen to disconnect from events and people that don’t empower them. Who do you know like this? Are there any conversations you should disconnect from right away? Then save your energy and break off.
3. Urgent shuteye
If you are experiencing a current of negative vibrations, then sleep! It will give your mind the rest it needs and allow you to escape from all the stories racing through your head, agitating and distracting.
Try sleep first as 90% of the time it works; lack of sleep causes the brain to make rash and unfocussed decisions and can often be the cause of continuously draining and destructive thinking. If you can, make the time and learn how to meditate for 10 minutes a day.
4. Remember what matters!
To become untouchable you have to be protected from negative phenomena, you must always keep your dream in sight. What can happen is that adversity can distract you from your dream and take you off course causing a nocebo effect. By going off course, you feel even more inverse emotions than you would otherwise have felt because you’re missing out on the fulfilment you get from your goals and personal dreams.
“You can become untouchable to adverse energy when you get into the habit of always going back to the thing that gets you out of bed in the morning”
We teach what we most need to learn and one of the things I do to keep on course, certainly when I know I’m going ‘off piste’, is to remember what matters to me, which is to support and inspire other people through transition and personal development. That matters! It is my vision and my way of recovering when I feel like I’m falling in that river of crocodiles, when I least expect to!
5. Find your room on the dance floor!
Becoming steel plated from adversity requires you to lose yourself when a negative wave of events hits your personal radar. Nature brings us back to the present and reminds us just how much beauty there is in the world when we just step outside of ourselves.
“Sometimes walking along the untrodden path can help us see a different world”
Now I’m not suggesting that in a crowd you wander off in abandonment to watch the stars (if that’s what you do all the time) but practically speaking, when I hear the alarms in my head, I’ll find time as soon as I can to lose myself to find that space and create my own spot light. Becoming untouchable doesn’t mean becoming detached and it’s not about forgetting or abandonment. It IS about choosing to lose yourself or hide and being ok to be lost now and again, in the knowledge that in today’s world we can’t be fully focused 365 days a year!
JK Rowling, with the first three chapters of Harry Potter in her suitcase, was rejected by 12 publishers and seeing herself as a jobless failure, divorced, penniless and with dependent child she learned to become untouchable as she pushed through her challenges to her success.
Deborah Russell, is a Professional Certified Coach ACC ICF Master Practitioner in Energy Leadership, dedicated to inspiring others through Transition and Personal Development and overcoming adversities and blocks in life which get in the way of fulfilling our dreams.
You can connect with Deborah by email deborah@deborahrussellcoaching.com or at deborahrussellcoaching.com